The myth of willpower

There is a particular kind of tiredness that comes from years of trying to change ourselves, to no avail. It's not the clean tiredness of work well done, but the slow fatigue of someone who has watched themselves break the same promise, over and over, for a very long time.

If that is you, I want to say something carefully: it's likely that the problem was never about willpower. The problem was the story you were told about willpower - that it's a muscle - and that disciplined people simply have more of it. If you were dedicated enough, you'd have achieved the goal by now. None of that is true. Willpower is a finite, depletable resource. It is only useful for overriding other impulses in the very short term. By the time many of my clients arrive, their willpower has been spent on everyday challenges for years: on overriding environments that work against them, on negotiating with internal voices or white-knuckling through days on end.

Sustainable change does depend upon willpower. It doesn't have much to do with willpower at all. Instead, we redesign the small architecture of a day - piece by piece - until the 'right' thing becomes the most natural thing for you to do.

This is unglamorous work. It might not make a good before-and-after photo. But six months in, you will look back and notice you haven't had to fight yourself in a long time. That is what change feels like when it is built to last.

Willpower is not a character trait. It is a finite resource you have been spending on the wrong fights.

Willpower is not a character trait. It is a finite resource you have been spending on the wrong fights.